Where/When do you feel the most Vulnerable?

Since we're in the season for this and all.

Every once in a while an awkward situation happens to me and I feel the need to document it.  I do this for your entertainment and because I generally have no shame.  Please be aware that if the topic of "poop" disgusts you, then you probably might want to turn away from the computer screen right now.  In hindsight, this combination of "awkward" and "poop" probably doesn't help me get readers, but I promise that it's not something disgusting!

I digress...

My friend from back home once brought up a conversation mid drunken toke: "Where/when do you feel the most vulnerable?"  He proceeded to share with us where and when he felt most vulnerable and I thought he was ridiculous.  1.  He was drunk, and 2.  He was in the process of getting high, so his words really made no sense to me anyways.

That was until today. (Here comes the no-shame, vulnerable moment)

Okay maybe I'm exaggerating here... 

So my office at work is located in a corporate plaza, where we share our building with a number of other companies.  We share the entire facility (this means bathrooms).  So I'm sitting on the john (oh goodness here comes the snarky criticism now), doing my business when another guy walks in the bathroom.  You know that feeling you get when someone enters the bathroom when you're in a stall?  It's like you want for that person to observe your privacy and not acknowledge you.  Well... not tonight.

He walks in and the first thing he says is, "Hey man, how's it going!?"

And then silence...

WTF!?  IS HE WAITING ON ME TO SAY SOMETHING!?!?

"What are you doing?"

Followed again by silence...

WHAT THE HELL DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING!?!?

At this moment, my friend's words finally clicked.  This was his most vulnerable moment and now I'm feeling it.  My drunk, high friend was right.  I'M GETTING VIOLATED!!!

I try to muster the words to say to him, but what the... how do I respond!?!? 
"Umm...  no.  I don't know you," was a possibility, but what if he was just REALLY friendly and wanted to strike up some stall-to-stall conversation? 

WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT ANYWAYS!?

Finally, Mr. Bathroom Invader broke the silence "Yeah, man...  I'm at work.  What are you, just finally getting off the couch you lucky bastard?" 

Apparently he was just on his phone with what I can only assume is his unemployed friend.  I like to imagine he's a loser because he's associated to Mr. Talk on the Phone in the Bathroom over here. 

At this point I'd like to ask my readers (all 2 of you), to please not talk on your phones in the bathroom.  Not that you do or anything, I mean c'mon!!! Who does that!? 

Also, Octavio, if you're reading this, man... I'm sorry.  You were right. 

The “How To Drive Right Wing Racists Insane With One Simple Question” experiment 2 results.

You can tell where I'm going at with this. ;)

Background: This experiment was inspired by an article in which the writer (Justin Rosario) posted in a political Facebook page the question:

“A question for anyone that claims to be a proud white person: What, exactly, are you proud of? I’ve asked this a few times and can’t seem to get a straight answer. Please don’t tell/ask me about black pride as it is not relevant to the question. I want to know why YOU are proud to be white. If the only way you can explain it is by comparing it to another ethnicity’s pride, you are not answering the question. Stay on topic and explain what it is about being white that fills you with pride.”


Results from experiment 1: The responses ranged in 3 different categories.

1. Asking about white pride is not a legitimate question. 

• "This was the most prevalent theme. They know that white pride is unavoidably racist whereas every other kind of “pride,” including black pride, can avoid being racist. Therefore they perceive the question as an attack on white people. It’s not. But that they see it that way tells me that they know exactly what white pride means." 

2. Attempts to rewrite or turn the question around (on me). 

• "These were attempts to get me angry or pretend I was asking a completely different question." 

3. Attempts to conflate “heritage” with “skin color.” 

• "These were soooooo ham-handed. Seriously, if the best you can do to explain white pride is say that your ancestors were white so you’re proud of that, you’re not even trying." 

I attempted to test those results with members of a local Facebook Chat Group.

Findings from experiment 2:

1. Asking about white pride is not a legitimate question.

1. “They perceived the question to be an attack on white people.” Oh hell yes they did! I got called a “race baiter!” I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THERE WAS SUCH A THING CALLED “RACE-BAITING.” Sounds like fun!
2.  Examples: 

• “Not to mention we invented the language you typed this race baiting post in” 
• “Race Baiting!! good words chosen for that sentence.” 
•  “see here we go.. not going to say anything else to you people.. lol” 
• That’s where it got good. THIS IS STILL WITHIN THE FIRST 30 MINUTES! 
• “It's fucking sad that there are racists; it's even more sad that you have people such as the op to perpetuate such things with fuck tard questions.” 
• “You are race baiting. If I asked the same of blacks you and jesse Jackson would lose thier shit” 
• I’m direct quoting from Facebook, please excuse the misspellings and poor grammar. ;) 

2. Attempts to rewrite or turn the question around (on me). 

1. "These were attempts to get me angry or pretend I was asking a completely different question." This MOST DEFINITELY happened! I’d like to point out that at no point in this “experiment” did I claim to be proud of being colored, but the question was still brought on me. Perhaps they wanted an example on how to answer the question (that I totally answered, but only two people acknowledged it). :/ 
2. Examples:

• “Id like to hear why you are proud to be black/ Hispanic or oriental. I dont know what kind of response I was supposed to give” 
• “Anyway that anyone answers this "question" it could be flipped either way!” 
• ”If you would question why I posses such pride would also question why I have pride...so I ask you... why do you ask such things?” 
• “What are you proud of???? SPECIFICALLY! !!
  
• Mad indeed
• “Mic wtf gives you the right to ask anyone anything. What are you proud of????” 
• I had already answered my own question at this point.
• My Answer: 
• “You know how I would answer this question? I wouldn't. The theory of race is flawed. If you look at it through an anthropological perspective, the human species all originated in one continent (Africa), and throughout time, has traveled throughout the planet and settled in different places. We all have evolved to our environments. THAT'S what I'm proud of. So technically, if you think about it, we're all black. TAKE THAT, YOU WHITE SUPREMACIST BIGOTS!!!” 
• In hindsight, I probably didn’t win any popularity contests with that last statement. :/
• There were even cases where they answered a different question 
• “White is just a color. A color is nothing to be proud of” 
• “We should always be proud of who we are and where we come from” 
• “The only thing any person should be proud of is being a good person no matter what race you are” 

3. Attempts to conflate “heritage” with “skin color.” 

1. This was by far the most prevalent outcome of this experiment. The theory is that one cannot answer the question without sounding racist, so one turns to family history or heritage.
2. Examples: 

• “I'm proud of my white side because they came to America as immigrants to Ellis island and built this country survived the depression , 2 world wars and are hardworking people who have a dream and are not afraid to work hard to reach their goals .” 


• Wait WHAT!? “THEY” built this country (USA)!?!? QUIT TAKING ALL THE DAMN CREDIT!!!
  
• Yeah!  Stop that shit!
  
• Yeah!  We built this country too, just didn't get any credit (apparently)...
• “exactly what i said, proud of our heritage and what our ancestors accomplished! my family has roots going back to the founding of this country and i'm proud of that!” 
• Classic avoiding of the question. 
• I had made attempts to TRY to get an answer out of them: 
• “But aside from what your family did, what is it about being white are you proud of?” 
• “So.. The blacks, Mexicans, Asians, and Indians didn't build this country either? Also, what SPECIFICALLY about being white are you proud of?” (Also my response to example 1 of this sub-finding). 
• “I am white...I know shocker, huh? Am I proud to be "white"? I am proud of my heritage which is a combination of 1/2 Irish, 1/4 German, and 1/4 Welsh. I'm told I have a smidgen of Ogallala Sioux as well. The fact that I am white is a matter of genetics and nothing more. “
• I give up!  I... just... FUCK IT! I'M DONE! 

Final Results from Experiment 2: Ultimately, did one simple question drive right-wing racists insane? 

1. Ultimately, no. They either stayed silent were one of the ones who didn’t completely answer the question.
2. I did notice a good number of non-commenters who observed the responses of other, more open-to-sharing pro-white individuals and liked their comments. (We’re Facebook talking now). 

• “Im proud to come from england. An island smaller than Arizona that jad one of the largest empires in history. It also has the worlds first and undefeated navy. Not to mention we invented the language you typed this race baiting post in” 
• Notice how that didn't even answer the main question? 
• That comment received 10 likes. 2nd most in that discussion, to this gem: 
• “I am seriously just here to see these comments.” (15 likes) ;) 

But did you piss ANYBODY off? 

1. “Mic. Go fuck yourself right in the ass you trollop. All you have done today is cause trouble. What are you proud of. What did you and your ancestors do. Aside from chatting bollocks on facebook. You keep bringing up whites, black, asian, Get a grip man.” 
2. Yes I did, and it was awesome!

Be

One of these days, I'll post a video up here

and you will instinctively know to click on it and read on.

In case today isn't that day, please click and read on.

In case you ever wonder what inspires me to write what I write and post the music that I post, I can share with you that I post what I'm listening to while I'm writing.  It helps me to clear my head sometimes and focus on the thing that has me writing.  So what is it today!?  Actually a lot, yet at the same time, just one thing in particular.

I started my day sick. I'm actually on day 4 of being sick.  You'd think after the weekend my body would have recuperated, but that isn't the case with me.  See, the stress at work has gotten so bad it actually dictated my health, which dictated my weekend, which made my home-life miserable.

How do I let something like that control my home life?  It's ridiculous,but it's life.  At work, I'm basically a middle-man.  The sucky thing about being a middle-man is that shit still rolls downhill, but this time you're in between two hills and now you're getting it from both ends.  

You must to be able to manage these two streams to a point that, if you're gone one day, you know that you can eventually catch up to being behind a day or two.  With this job, however, because there are two streams, it's like you're always behind two days.  Some people, like myself, resort to multi-tasking.  

I do not doubt that this is how I look most days.

I cannot emphasize how much that multi-tasking is my downfall.  I'm not bad at it, a lot of people say it's their claim to fame at their jobs, but here's what I noticed about multi-tasking: the pressure, the time, and the efficiency are all affected.  I've had multiple things going on at the same time, and it took me so much longer to handle all of it than it would have handling one thing at a time.  When I look back at my work, I sometimes see that I've mis-coded, or forgot to add a mundane detail.  

Back to the music:  Don't you just want to take this track and put it on a loop?  I heard it on a video-game!  :)  

I've started practicing a method of getting to a stopping-point when someone calls or comes into my office so I can focus solely on them.  I've also learned to plan my work week.  One day I'll do all my requisitions while the next day I'll process invoices.  At mid-week I'll do my special projects assigned by the district office.  It's rough sometimes, and still sometimes I find myself  multi-tasking, but at least now I'm able to focus more on completing more things.  

In all honesty, a completed file is so much better than work-in-progress.  

So that's where we're at right now.  I started the day sick, but I was also determined to make my day awesome.  Tomorrow will be the same way.  So to those of you who have let stress take over, I say "Stop, think about what you're doing that may be causing you undue pressure, find a solution that will help you ease that pressure, and just be."  Your brain will thank you.  :)  

New Year's Resolution?

For those of you new here, just click, read, and enjoy the music.  ;) 

Yeah yeah!  "It's February," I get it!  So what?  There's still time to notice room for self-improvement, and therefore decide to make actions to improve upon it...  Right?

I mean, I'm not thinking anything DRASTIC here... well, maybe.  For this, I'll need input from the blogosphere.  I'm thinking about trying to write more.  I understand, it's been forever, what with starting a new job and getting caught up in it, trying to retain what little social life I still have, and also salvaging my completely and utterly screwed up love life - I mean naturally I put writing on the back-burner.   

Well, "Never again," I say!  I shall focus on ME, this year - getting in shape, finding a career I can fall in love with, and doing more of the things I love.  Like music, and teaching, and writing!  I've already committed myself to a couple of projects (honestly, why I stack my plate so high, I haven't the slightest clue).  Hopefully, I'll get this done within the deadlines set upon me, but I'm not gonna sacrifice quality and style over timeliness.  Don't get me wrong, I do realize that I want to actually COMPLETE a damn project one of these days.

I guess I can attribute my sudden urge to write to a friend of mine who decided this same resolution only two days ago and has already entered three items into her blog that have taken me along with her on her emotional journey of self-discovery.  She honestly is one of the more awesome people I know, and that's a great thing because there a few truly awesome people in this world.  

It just comes to show you, that you never know who you might be inspiring right now, so always put your best foot forward.